Fifty Shades of Grey Revisited Chapter Four: THE DARKNESS

*Beleaguered sigh* Well… Flying High was supposed to have been out a week ago, but things got delayed by again mostly due to stuff I had to do for my new day job that I just started (oh yeah, I got a new job, btw, yay me; leave it to me to think I could manage to release a book and start a new full-time job at the same time while also still working another part-time job for at least the next couple months), plus I realized “oh shit, I should probably file my tax returns already before I forget and do it at literally the last possible moment yet again,” plus I finally got my official ADHD diagnosis back, except the small neuropsych practice that did my eval. doesn’t actually do treatment, so now I need to go through the whole process again of being referred to a doctor… you could say I got a little overwhelmed. Oh, and then my computer crapped out on me for a couple days and of course I panicked thinking I’d have to get a new one, but thankfully it wasn’t as bad as all that. This laptop is definitely on its last legs, though, so I’m thinking I might have to just bite the bullet and put at least some of that $1400 COVID relief check towards a new one.

By the time I was able to adequately focus on putting the final touches on my manuscript I figured I’d still be able to have it for sale by this past weekend, but alas, no. My books seem to usually get stuck in review on KDP for a while, so we’ll see how this week goes. Sorry it looks like it’ll still be at least a few more days, but hey, at least you have this recap to tide you over, right?

Basically how I’m feeling right about now…

Oh, and in other news that you may or may not care about, I literally just found out that Freed (the upcoming final installment of 50 Shades from Christian’s POV) is going to be 768 pages long. That’s almost two hundred pages longer than the original Fifty Shades Freed, and on average, a little over two hundred pages longer than most of the other books in the series. What’s contained within those extra 200 pages remains to be seen. The secrets of the universe? A surprise “ten years later” epilogue in which Ana fakes her own death to escape her abusive marriage and in the course of the investigation it’s revealed that Christian was a serial killer all along? Maybe after selling her soul in exchange for these books being a massive success, ELJ was forced to uphold her end of the bargain by copying and pasting an excerpt from the Necronomicon right in the middle of the book, and all who read it shall be damned for eternity. All I know is Freed was in the “books you make like” section of the Amazon page of one of my books, so she’d better appreciate the free promotion I’m unwillingly giving her.

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Fifty Shades of Grey Revisited Chapter Three: Clown Car of Awful

Yes, I’m back with more Fifty Shades already, even though I said I might be taking the week off while I focused on the upcoming release of Flying High. Well, I’d started working on this post just so I could be sure to have it done and scheduled to go out next Monday after my book release, not at all intending to actually finish it today. But then I found out I’d managed to miss the latest E.L. James news: Freed, aka Fifty Shades Freed from Christian’s POV is finally coming this June, everyone. Fucking called it. And I guess I just felt so inspired that I simply couldn’t stop working on this recap. Although, I can’t exactly say I’m shamelessly capitalizing on this news for clicks, because no one seems to be even talking about it. Whether it was overshadowed by all the royal family drama dominating Twitter’s trending topics or the fact that ELJ really has slipped that far into obscurity by now I’m not sure, but either way it makes me happy. Even though I’m so damn committed to these recaps at this point that you know I’m eventually going to swallow my pride and buy the book…

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Fifty Shades of Grey Revisited Chapter Two: …Or Something

I had the most demoralizing thought when I woke up this morning. I turn 28 this year, which means I’m officially the same age as Christian Grey. Our birthdays are even relatively close. I await my $1,000,000,000 check in the mail.

A few housekeeping things before I start. First, I noticed rather belatedly that I’d quoted a few hefty chunks from the book(s) in my first post, which generally isn’t best practice when blogging about a book. I’ll try to break up longer passages I want to quote into smaller chunks with commentary or gifs in between from now on.

Also, I guess it’s the WordPress theme I’m using, but long quotes in their little indented quote block thingys are automatically italicized, so things that were originally italicized in the book don’t show up as different than the rest of the text. So, I’ll just be underlining italicized portions of quotes instead.

Just like last time, quotes from FSOG will be in blue, but quotes from Grey will now be in green, and when included in the same paragraph as my own text, quotes will be bolded and italicized as well. I hope the colors aren’t too confusing; I’d prefer to use red to green, but since changing my site’s theme colors so that links stood out more, links now show up as pink, and I thought the shade was too close to red.

When we last left Ana, she couldn’t seem to get out of Christian Grey’s office fast enough after the most thrilling interview to ever put me to sleep. Little did she know, Mr. Grey was at that very moment having some guy named “Welch”–his pet private investigator?–run a background check on her. As one does, of course.

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Fifty Shades of Grey Revisited Chapter One: So, We Meet Again, my Old Nemesis

It’s 2021, bitches, and do you know what that means? Yep, it’s the 10th anniversary we’ve all (?) been waiting for: Fifty Shades officially turns a decade old.

I feel like I’ll be getting a lot of mileage out of Lonely Island jokes since there’s really nothing more early-mid 2010’s than Fifty Shades and The Lonely Island.

So, uh, yeah, we’re really doing this. This is where my life is at right now. As you might recall from my last blog post, I had a few more announcements that I didn’t get around to since it got just a little long-winded. So, surprise! You’re getting the chapter-by-fucking-chapter Fifty Shades sporking/recap/(mental)breakdown you didn’t ask for, because it’s not like that’s ever been done before.

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